My diary of life

Material girl? Nope, not me. I used to long for riches, daydream about frame and fortune, fantasize about winning the lottery. But now I know I was mistaken. I discovered that the best things in life aren’t things. Hugs and smiles, laughter and love, family and friends now those are real treasures.

(from Women’s Work Is Never Done)

no one knows..

it was seven years ago..about ‘the perfect man’..

the first time when u were confess ur feeling..

after we had a long chat by sms (emg kita kan cm bs komunikasi by sms yah..xixixi..), just talking about all unimportant things..but it was so sweet..u were said that u would bought me an ice cream bcoz i had bad mood that time..u were said that u would brought me a ‘guling’ (what is ‘guling’ in english?) bcoz i couldn’t slept without ‘guling’..haha..thats really really sweet pen..^^

teruss ga tau gmn awalnya koq bisa tiba2 ngomongin perasaan tp i’ll always remember ur words..

‘kamu si gmn sm aku?’

*gmn apanya?

‘perasaannya?’

*masa ga kerasa,ya kamu maunya gmn?

‘kamu tuh klo ngomong maksudnya tersembunyi terus ya, terus klo ditanya pasti balik tanya’

*haha..masa..

‘aku suka kamu, tapi kalo harus berkomitmen aku ga bisa’..

haha..kalimat yg lucu pen, bkn gw happy sekaligus confussed and dissapointed..

how can??ya, gmn bisa km disaat yg sama blg suka tp jg blg ga bs komitmen??

toh kan gw jg ga minta dikawinin kali..koq ga bs komitmen?haha..

tp gw inget jawaban u jg, jawaban yg bikin gw mantep buat nunggu u waktu itu..

‘iya aku suka kamu, tapi kalo buat pacaran aku ga bisa’..

*kenapa?

‘soalnya aku ga bisa egois mikirin perasaanku doank, masih byk hal yg harus aku slesain dulu, maksudnya sekolah, kuliah, pelayanan, dll’

‘kamu gapapa kan kalo kita skrg cm bs deket tp ga bs pacaran?’

*….iya, aku ngerti koq..gpp pen..aku tau maksud kamu..

yah, jawaban itu emg bkn gw sedikit kecewa, tapi paling ngga gw jg seneng, gw tau u org yg ga maen2 sama yg namanya ‘pacaran’..dan gw semakin yakin kalo u bener2 seorang ‘perfect man’ dan pantes buat ditunggu..:)

begitulah sedikit history tentang tgl ‘16.10.04’..

dan kenapa sebegitu pentingnya tgl itu buat gw,walaupun ga berapa lama setelah itu kita jg ga deket lagi, krn alesan yg ga jelas (dan gw br tau skrg, after u’ve gone..Y.Y ).. even sometimes gw msh pake tgl itu buat password gw..haha..ya mungkin kalian ga pernah tau, coz gw emg ga crt sm sapa2..tapi hari itu bener2 kenangan bgt buat gw..dan bakal selalu jadi kenangan indah..eventhough u’ve gone now..:’)

dari u gw belajar buat bangun ‘relationship’ secara serius pen..dari u gw belajar bahwa ga cukup krn rasa ‘suka sama suka’ kita bisa gampang pacaran sama org..and after ur confession that day, i was never have a relationship until next 4 years..:)

btw, dulu gw ga pernah blg secara langsung ya sm u pen, but u should had known my feeling..yeah, i’ll confess now (walaupun telaaatt -.-“)..i was in love with you..and maybe still..:)

okay, skrg gw cm mo share smp sini aja dl, coz hari ini gw cm mo inget2 yg sweet aja..hehe..

nite all, nite pen..i miss u..always..baek2 ya disana..:’)

@cirebon..

The first time I came to this place after you ‘went’..

it feels weird, like something is missing..

even I still can not believe that you‘ve gone..

This town reminds me a lot about our memories, or more precisely, about you..

mungkin bener..gw lebih bisa terima kalo u udah punya ‘someone special’ better than knowing if u already passed away..:(

it’s the hardest thing in my life..seems like i’ve lost my way..

no more ‘you’ in my life..no more ‘the perfect of you’..:’(

someone please tell me if it was just a nightmare………!!!!!

hey all..are u curious about who is ‘you’?

i’ll tell u next time, if i’m ready..:’)